Good news & bad news

Good news is that I didn't average or moved stops today. That really mattered because I'm positive that loss would be much bigger if I did some averaging judging from the emotional state in which I was.

Bad news is that I had a loss and after it emotional trading that brought more losses.

Market was in the range in the morning and when there was nice spike up in eur/usd at 12:03 I went in gbp/usd long because I bet that if we have uptrend gbp will bounce strongly being so down after a gap down overnight. There was nice flag in eur/usd and I was still positive that we will have uptrend just waiting for break out.

When eur/usd started to fall at around 12:35 the gbp/usd didn't so I decided to stay long. In the end it was like failed b/o up for eur/usd and my gbp stop got hit. Well trade gone wrong way, stop hit, that's it.
Problem was that I became very angry and opened more trades because I couldn't believe that there will not be rally up. So I had some other trades, all long in downtrend and for all it's -62 pips.


Emotions. Good thing is that I was now without moving stops and averaging. I did adapt to that and opened so many trades so it's kind of averaging but technically not. My emotional state didn't change much from my big loss last month. Today I had opportunity to see it from another angle. Having stops helped me in that. I can describe it as a syndrome of angry little boy that is angry because things are not the way he wants. So he is angry on his mother and trying with anger to manipulate her in doing what he wants. Well maybe manipulation worked when I was a kid, but market is not my mom and don't give a s*it about my anger. Well that is problem with unconscious mental pattern that worked in the past and now you try it to use in absolutely unsuitable situation. It's absurd that I'm trying to manipulate market with my anger and revenge trading but I do it. I didn't learn to be wrong and go past that. I'm in denial.

After my third stop I closed eur/usd also and went to lunch. I felt anger and wanted to destroy my account, never to trade again and feel those bad emotions. That self destruction mode was on when I lost several hundred pips last month. I think that emotional pain and shake down is now in trading so big that I just want to run away from it. Well in that state you can learn and change because it's unbearable.

So trading bring from deep inside of us skeletons and ways that we deal with stress. It can be hazardous and if we don't change things that are not align with good trading there is guarantee that trading will not be successful






*Update
One more loss so total today -84 pips. I went for break down of 8000 and than there was 50 pips reversal. I didn't want to get out earlier or reverse because I'm unstable. I feel like poster boy for how not to trade.